Lesson for the day…

Good morning class.

So what have we learned in my absence from this site over the last two to three weeks?

Quite a lot, it would seem.

1. My life will not come to a crashing halt if I don’t post 84 thousand updates every single day. Who’d have thought?

2. Upon your return you will not have three weeks worth of ideas for “Best Blog Post Ever” type articles. Nope – you’ll be just as blank and at a loss for words as before.

3. Site visitor numbers shoot up dramatically when you haven’t updated in a while. This probably has something to do with… ummm… uhhhh… dunno… Google getting the whole site indexed, perhaps? Or umm… Yeah, let’s go with the Google Index theory.

4. Ties into point 3 above: Google Adsense sucks. Daily site visitors have shot up, and yet Adsense shows not a single click in over a month. Might be in some way due to Adsense’s annoying habit of usually advertising:
(a) diet tips;
(b) cellphone ringtones;
(c) see (a) and (b).
So it’s really just a waste of screen real estate which would be far better served with a nice image or two of Megan Fox.

So ummm…

Okay I’m back – got kinda lost there for a second after the whole Megan Fox images bit. My bad.

5. Your site will get a scathing review from some arty-type blog who will
(a) lament the lack of soul searching on your site;
(b) slate the excess of hottie pics on your site;
(c) cause a comments war on said review between fellow arty-types who agree, and the rest of the world who thinks that they need to (i) get over themselves, and (ii), get over themselves.

6. Your regularly-mentioned Google Reader feeds will be inundated to the point where it simply states “1000+” new articles for you to spend your time reading whilst you should in fact be hard at work.

7. Your parents will discover the “Click to subscribe to updates via email” section of your blog, and dutifully obey. Which of course means that any offensive or demeaning post in the future about pretty much anything runs the risk of a stern lecture and harsh judgement. You may be thirty, but apparently one is never too old for a hiding.

Hi Mom.

8. You will develop a sheer shortening of your attention span, as in… spent 10 minutes typing this, so it’s probably time to wander off and check if some awesome snack foods have magically appeared in the fridge since I last checked 15 minutes ago.