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Right, we’re back to the way things used to be around here – very little in the way of new posts at the moment.
Those who have been following this site for a while (you know, when it actually gets updated) will know that this has been known to occur from time to time. And each time I write a long and vaguely apologetic post about why, and how busy I am, and when things will get back to normal and blah blah blah sob story blah.
Question is, do you actually care?
Figured as much.
So here’s the drill in easy-to-read point format:
Dear new readers.
- I work in TV production.
- We start filming in studio again on Wednesday for two weeks or so.
- I will thus be moer busy doing some real work that pays the bills.
- Thus Stustake will be all ssshhhhhh for quite a while.
- Probably.
- Unless I’m so good that everything is so perfectly planned that filming carries on without a hitch and I can lay back, order a tall glass of something cold, and shoot the shit with you lot from the comfort of WordPress for iPhone.
- That would be kinda cool.
Let’s see how it pans out.
Laterrrrrrrsssssss…
Those of you paying attention will have noticed that some folks have started using a new, fancier Facebook profile layout. This is Facebook Timeline, and in time will become the standard profile page of all users. More on that here.
One item not mentioned in the article linked to is the bit about cover photos, the main photo that sits at the top of your profile in addition to the profile photo we all know and stalk others by. I, like most new users, initially simply selected a random photo like anything else that would feature as a regular profile photo, without even considering the possibilities of these album covers of sorts.
Turns out some folks with either an artistic inclination, too much time on their hands or a combination thereof, have been tinkering about. Click to go check out a gallery of some of the better ones on Hongkiat.com.
Now while some look cool and others are placeholders for virtually-guaranteed-to-be-sponsored advertising space for the more famous among us, it all quite frankly looks like a lot of work. I did however take the time to place quite a few photos into a bigger photo of the relevant dimensions, and kinda like the result. Here then is my Facebook Timeline cover photo:
 Ta Daaaaaahhhh!! Note the danger tape in the profile picture. Coz I’m dangerous bru. I know, lame. Moving swiftly along…
So anyway, for the Photoshoppers out there, the dimensions that seemed to work are 850 x 315 pixels. Plus, the Hongkiat.com article that I linked to in the text above even has a free downloadable Photoshop template for you to play around with to get your cover photo design just right. Go give it a bash.
Note: One kind of annoying thing I’ve noticed is that when you load up a profile that’s using Timeline it doesn’t seem to load up from the top of the image, but about a third of the way down. You can scroll up to see the whole thing, but it just looks a bit weird when I click on my profile and all the heads in the image have been lopped off (until I scroll up). I assume that’ll be sorted by Zuckerberg et al shortly. Mark: get on it, pal!
WHASSSSSUUUUUUUPPPPPP!!!!!!!
Happy New Year y’all! Here’s hoping it’s a good one, and it better be on the off chance that the Mayan’s were right…
Right, now that our hangovers have subsided to merely a dull ache coupled with only the tiniest bit of residual nausea, it’s time to get cracking on the new year ahead. And cracking on the new year I am – I’m already back at the office whilst the rest of you slackers are still chilling out on Camps Bay beach with a tall glass of something alcoholic in your hands. That’s fine, you relax. I’ll prop up the economy all on my own. No really, it’s fine. I insist.
So what did we learn in 2011?
- Jessica Biel is still a belter of note, and is thus STILL in first place on this blog in terms of readership (33 007 views at the time of writing, and counting);
- This blog shut down and was started again, all within the space of six months due to much nagging from Baby Boet;
- There’s a lot of interest in the duckface phenomenon, at least according to Google Analytics.
And that’s about it. Wow, slow year.
So here’s to a very busy year on Stu’s Take. Send your submissions/feedback/notes of praise to stustake [@] stustake [dot] com. (Writing the email address like that from now on so that HAL 9000 the spambots can’t find me to offer me lots and lots of dodgy cut-price pharmaceuticals).
Onwards!
Merry Christmas all!
Have a good New Year’s party too. We’ll all meet back here on 3 January to discuss the impressiveness of our respective hangovers, okay?
See ya in 2012!
Stu out.
So those of you who have been paying attention will undoubtedly have seen a post last week Friday about the all ways in which skydiving is OMFG scary terrifying. Title of the post? Stu’s take on skydiving…. Kinda apt, I figured. But anyway…
According to my brother, the post achieved one single thing: the establishment of certain and now-officially-documented proof that I am in fact a “little bitch”. Apparently not wanting to leap to my certain doom from a plane requires me to go down to the nearest man-shop to return my testicles, as I have no need of them.
Thus, in the spirit of full disclosure, and in the hopes of reclaiming some semblance of male pride, I wish to state, for the record: I am in fact VERY keen to go skydiving, and plan to do so shortly. But let’s be honest – there’s a lot more to write about when describing the terror a bitch like myself will be certain to experience when skydiving, than what can be expected from the usual type of adrenaline-junkie who makes a habit of sports like this. “Fully!!!!!!!” – Article done. “It was like, totally, sick DUDE!” – Article two. Not so much. Just a touch more boring.
Right, Simon. Anything else I need to address? Can I get back to complaining now?
Ta
It’s scary just how much time can be spent on avoiding work. Take this post for instance – whilst I wouldn’t say work is hectic at the moment, I do still have some stuff to do today, and yet here I am, typing nonsensical crap to you lot. And you lot are in turn reading this instead of working. So it ain’t just me, innit? Ever seen those kids who will literally spend hours building an elaborate fort in the house from cushions, a broken vacuum cleaner and a few blankets, all in the hopes of not being found, thereby avoiding having to take the trash out? An epic example if ever there was one – 10 units of work completed to avoid 2 units of work. Efficiency FAIL. #Occupy Nothing! Coz we’re lazy! What do we want? Lunch breaks! When do we want ‘em? Now!
I once had a boss who summed my uselessness up quite well one day when I was meant to be replacing a farmhouse’s ceiling, but was instead keeping myself busy doing a million other things – essentially, just not getting the job done. This only works in Afrikaans, the way in which it was so eloquently delivered: “Soutie, jy’s altyd besig om fokol te doen!”. Tru dat. He may have had a point in that case. And yet, up until that moment, I was actually busy the entire time. Small tasks can really eat away at your time. Long story short? The point of this moan? Ummm… don’t be sleg? Do some work? F@ck it – I don’t know. Don’t get caught being a slacker? Yeah, that one. That sounds about right.
Now before you get all “do some work! They’re gonna fire your ass!” take a chill pill. I’m not really doing nothing all day at the office (this morning’s sneaky Blue Mountain State episode being watched on the laptop notwithstanding) – these posts can be bashed out in a 15 minute coffee break (which might explain the lack of a coherent structure and thought process being in evidence), but still: sometimes your head just ain’t in it for the day, and without the likes of Facebook, this blog and of course YouTube, how exactly would you spend your “off” time? “Off” time that you’re getting paid for! So let’s call it what it is: “theft” time. Sound about right?
Right, I’m off to get preachy to someone else. Next target: the water cooler brigade with their “he said, she said” time-wasting. Slackers BEGONE!
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And that brings us to the end of today’s “F@ck it, I really gotta update this blog but ain’t got bugger all to say. Let’s talk about nothing for a few minutes and see if anyone realises they’re NEVER getting these 5 minutes of their lives back” blog moment. Thanks for your time.
Comments on WordPress posts. This phrase apparently sends spammers into an absolute frenzy of excitement. That’s the only way to possibly explain why this blog, having been back online for barely ONE WEEK, is already receiving around 60 to 100 spam comments a day. And yes, these really are spam comments, even though there are no actual Vigara (sic), acai berry or supplements adverts in the traditional sense.
Well, some are selling just that, but the majority are simply random comments posted with a link back to their site, seeing as Google (and other search engines) rates you highly if lots of different people link to you. Thus: lots of approved comments on lots of blogs all linking back means your site must be the Mac-Daddy of awesome sites, and thus you get a coveted spot in search engine results ranking. Quite frankly, all this SEO (Search Engine Optimisation) chatter makes me tired. Having a popular site helps, but if you hire some geek to screw the system, you get to be number 1. Sounds like politics. And politics makes me tired too.
Anyyyyywayyyy, for those in the front of the class who are at least pretending to still pay attention, the point is this: my site’s spam filter is usually pretty clued up at allowing legit comments through, and relegating the random “Well I truly liked reading it. This tip procured by you is very helpful for accurate planning. By the way, check out my site (link)” messages on a Chopper Reid video post to the bin.
That said, as there so many spam comments, I can’t actually go through them and double check. Thus, some legit ones may end up getting trashed – sorry for that! Blame the knobs who are right now dumping tons of links for “Premier Aaron Rodgers Cheap Jersey” on my site. Why the hell would I want an Aaron Rodgers cheap knock-off jersey? And just who the hell is Aaron Rodgers anyway? North American readers – I’m assuming this is one of yours. Yes?
Greetings y’all!
I bet you thought this site was gone, innit? Well it was, for a looooooong time. Probably had something to do with my being far too cheap to keep paying hosting fees, with a fair bit of being far too lazy to actually update the site regularly. Not generally the best combination to promote healthy readership, regular entertainment and overall not-being-a-lazy-git-ness.
However, a certain brother (as in a relative, not T-Pain), whined, moaned and generally harassed me into getting my shit together so that he could reread this post, a report on his birthday celebrations and raging alcoholism – involving vuvuzela beer funnels, black eyes and random superhero-esque antics.
It looks like I’ve got a fair bit of housekeeping to do here – old broken links, 1 gazillion adverts for shite products nobody wants to buy, and of course the now defunct Facebook fan page. Will get to it later, I promise. Possibly.
Gonna be a few changes around here: gone are the days of daily reposts of random funny things found on the web, as there are already approximately 80 billion sites out there doing just that. This blog will henceforth be more about occasional entries on my take on things, random rants and general anecdotes that qualify for awesome status and that you simply HAVE to know. You know, like the title of the site claimed all along. Something I’ve always enjoyed posting, but ended up doing far too rarely anyway. And you do NEED to know these stories. No really, trust me, I’m like an expert or something.
Never fear though – all the old entries will stay, so you trenchcoat-wearers can still check out all the old items like the Jessical Biel pics that a frankly-disturbing 33000-odd have already fapped over admired for their artistic merit and subtle lighting.
So without further ado…
You poor poor readers – I only just realised that I’ve only posted on this blog three times this whole month. How dreadful for you to be forced to spend your time reading other vastly inferior fail-sites, all the while deperately hoping, clinging to the belief, that I will come to the party and share my latest musings with you. For that I apologise.
So… whaddaya wanna know?
—
No Jeremy – you don’t get to comment on this one. Everyone else? Feel free. Just not him. Coz we all know what it’ll say right? Right? Okay fine:
You have one (1) new comment from: Jeremy
Comment: Oh whatever will we do without our daily update from you (or words to that effect)?
Approve Delete Spam Sigh and then ignore anyway
AMIRIGHT?
AM I?
Thought so.
Owned.
Sooo… that previous post… the one where I thought I’d insinuate that Paris Hilton may not be the sharpest tool in the shed…
Here’s an email I received about that:
Subject: Definition of fail..
Taking the piss out of Paris Hilton’s intellect on your blog and spelling “quantum” wrong
“Your mind will go blanker than Paris Hilton’s understanding of quantam physics”
BOOYA!!!
How silly do I feel?
Rather.
—
Thanks Spelling Nazi. You know who you are. Cough cough Jeremy cough cough
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