You lot know Vinnie Jones, right? The Guy Ritchie movie stalwart who looks, and sounds, as though he was put on this Earth with the sole purpose of causing other people massive amounts of pain. All without breaking a sweat of course.
Well he has now teamed up with the British Heart Foundation to teach you hands-only CPR, set to (appropriately enough) the Bee Gees’ massive hit Stayin’ Alive. Take a look:
I imagine he’d accidentally crush your ribcage into powder if not paying attention, but that’s to be expected: he’s kinda the bloke Chuck Norris wants to be when he grows up.
For more light-hearted clips of His Royal Vinnieness, check out “Vinnie Jones will beat you thin…” a clip of his very own ‘Attack Cardio’ – his way of getting you thin, presumably by causing you to literally crap yourself skinny from pure fear.
And then, while we’re on the subject of saving lives, the guys may wanna click over to another old post, “Super Sexy CPR“, coz it really is important to know how to do this stuff…
DJ Earworm (I know – I comment on that EVERY time, so insert random mockery and ridicule here), has released his annual mashup of all the biggest pop treffers of last year. Here you go – 5 minutes of some really rather impressively mixed tunes and accompanying music videos:
Scary photos seem to be becoming a bit of a trend on this site. That’s because I’m seeing more and more photos of abandoned and overgrown items and places on the net lately.
Intentionally scary photos don’t really seem to work. Rather, I find that items such as the one below of a rusting Ferris wheel being reclaimed by nature far more chilling – one can really sense the eerie and overwhelming silence which has now replaced the laughing and joyous shrieks of youngsters having a day out at the carnival in decades long past. I think it’s pretty much guaranteed that all you’ll hear now, when confronted by this old Ferris wheel, is the occasional, and most definitely chilling, low screech of rusty metal as the dilapidated ride shifts in the breeze. I shudder just typing this.
Well, that’s sleeping cancelled then.
The same eeriness applies to these previous posts on this site too. Take a look:
I also recently saw two really rather creepy galleries, one of an abandoned and rusting circus, and one of a rusting clown train graveyard (yes, you read that correctly) – if you’re afraid of clowns, you’ll now be afraid of trains too. Just gotta find those links and will get a post up here.
Right, time for the “new jocks please” moment of the day.
Do you lot remember this one? The series of pics of an abandoned psychiatric hospital, neatly rounded off with one creepy-as-f@ck gif of a gossamer curtain blowing in the wind?
But it’s not just that horror of horrors that qualifies for I-think-I-just-wet-myself status. No sirree. Plenty of things, once abandoned by the crowds and simply left to rot, become really quite eerie after nature beings to reclaim the place. Take a look at these four galleries over at Environmental Graffiti to see what I’m talking about:
Kulula’s at it again – being legendary. Check out this article from gotravel24.com:
Ready for Royal Lobola
So we’re all familiar with the concept of Lobola. For those not in the know, it’s a Southern African tradition in which a man makes a symbolic payment, traditionally of cows, for the hand of his betrothed.
Well what do you know, low fare airline kulula.com is providing a uniquely South African twist to the UK royal wedding by delivering a herd of cows to Buckingham Palace.
For every flight booked from 14 February to 28 April, kulula will make a contribution to the cost of a herd fit for a royal lobola. The cows will be sourced locally in the UK (to avoid shipping our local cows to an uncomfortably chilly climate and save on carbon emissions) following their acceptance by Kate’s family. In order to calculate an appropriate bride price, kulula is inviting South Africans to register on their Facebook page, their opinion on the size of the herd that would make a suitable lobola.
“Wills has been a big fan of South Africa and we’re big fans of him and his bride-to-be. We’re more than happy, alongside our kulula fans, to be sending him the finest cows we can get our hands on in order to make their happy day even more special,” said Nadine Damen, Marketing Manager at kulula.
In true royal fashion, they've come up with this commemorative plate and cup.
The airline also has ‘Special Romantic Royal Wedding Lobola Nice Flights’ flight specials on offer in a bid to coax the royal couple down to South Africa for their honeymoon and to allow local lovebirds to also take flight (without having to sell any wedding presents).
“Let’s face, it weddings are expensive and times are still tough. With all the royal pomp the Brits demand, we’re sure the royal couple will be looking for some cheap, but lovely, deals in a warm climate to get over the whole thing,” added Damen.
10 points to Kulula. Once again. These guys are up there with Nando’s in terms of wiseass advertising and marketing. Good on ya.
So have you been keeping up to date with the latest releases from The Lonely Island? For those not familiar with these three, The Lonely Island is an American comedy troupe composed of Akiva Schaffer, Jorma Taccone, and Andy Samberg, best known for its musical parodies (as written on Wikipedia – so it MUST be true ). Take one of their latest, and one of their best, examples – with really really really impressive viewership stats listed too (who says this site ain’t educationamaleducationarising well smart?):
I just had sex (feat. Akon) – and starring the superbly-fine Jessica Alba (38,9 million views so far!)
Comedy gold? Thought so. But it doesn’t end there – check out some of these guys’ previous classics:
Jizz in my pants – starring Molly Sims and Jamie-Lynn Sigler (95,7 million views so far!)
Ever heard of Airbnb? Me neither, but apparently it’s really taking off.
The general premise is that you list your house/flat/spare room/hammock for rent on their site, and global travellers are free to select your palace and pull in for a couple of nights shuteye. So basically it’s allowing you to start a BnB of sorts, without the whole pesky having-to-start-an-actual-business vibe. Check out their introductory video:
What d’ya think? Sound fair? The theory is sound – one can get bored of impersonal hotels in faraway places. If experiencing life as lived by locals in a new locale is something you’re keen on, then it definitely doesn’t sound too shabby to me. Just be sure to lock your jewellery away, mmmkay? Although, I see that both hosts and guests get to comment and give feedback on the folks on their site, so there’s nothing to stop you checking up on axemurderer59 before committing to playing the good host.
Yeah, but it’s all fun and games till a ginger hippie pulls up and starts giving you kak about your raging biltong habit, innit?
Who needs a room for tonight? (Anyone who does NOT look like Jessica Alba’s twin need not apply.)
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In the spirit of house-sharing, guests, etc. I thought it was time to dust off some of the older posts and give them a new look at the world, like this one about visitors from May 2009 (the post, not the visitors). Coz this site had all of 5 or 6 readers back then when we started, so it’s probably not really proof of me being toooooo lazy… yes?
Thanks to my job I spend a fair amount of time in hotels and guest houses. Some of my friends also run guest houses. Whenever I go stay at any of the aforementioned places, I generally get left a copy of the facility visitor information booklet as well as the rules of said establishment. You know the drill – drinks will be served at this time, food at that time, gate keys here, etc… blah blah blah.
Seeing as they feel that they are free to enforce their dictatorial whims on poor little old me, I therefore feel that I too am entitled to leave guests staying at MY house some general visitor information, guidelines and rules. It’s only fair.
I therefore present: Stu’s house visitor information and guidelines…
Dear guest
Thank you for staying at Stu’s house. We trust that you will enjoy your stay at this fine establishment. If anything is not to your satisfaction, please inform your host, Stu, so that he may tell you to go f@ck yourself. It’s MY house and I like it, and that’s what it’s all about – I pay the rent, and I’m the one who has to live here. Your opinion is null and void. This is not a negotiation.
You will find that you have been allocated the guest bedroom. This is in fact my storeroom, that the missus insisted I squeeze a bed into for when we have guests. You are therefore greatly inconveniencing me by inhibiting access to my stuff. Tread carefully – literally and figuratively – if you step on my things, I’ll step on you. And I’ve been told I’m kinda… rotund. Consider yourself warned.
You will find fresh towels in the cupboard. These are my clean towels for when I feel like treating the world to a glimpse of my Adonis-like physique at the swimming pool. Use your own.
Cocktails will be served on the deck in the evening. And by “cocktails” I mean “Oros”, and by “deck” I mean the “1 metre by 1 metre paved slab in front of the door”. Oh, and by “served” I mean “make it yourself”. And while we’re on the subject of drinks – if you drink my whiskey I’m… <insert random jolly painful experience here>. Capeish?
There is a well-stocked refrigerator in the kitchen. This is full of yummy treats like fancy cheeses, Belgian chocolates and whatever else I fancied last time I was at Woolworths. This is where my meals come from. The cupboard next to the fridge has a few leftover crackers for you. I trust you’ll enjoy your meal.
There will be no hanky-panky whilst you are a guest at Stu’s house – I’m the only one with permission to get my freak on in this establishment. You are no oil painting and we therefore do not wish to imagine you doing the nasty. End of discussion.
Parking is at your own risk. My neighbours are all students who tend to arrive home at stupid o’clock after somewhat overdoing the latest Bulls’ victory drinkathon, and will more than likely scrape their hippie-mobile all down the side of your fancy new Beemer. Sorry for you.
Wake-up calls need to be requested the evening before. If the call is requested before I plan on arising for the day, then you’d best make a plan to rustle up an alarm clock, coz it ain’t gonna happen. If it is for a respectable hour, then I will try my utmost to storm in and pour a glass of iced-water on you to get your lazy ass out of bed. Up and at ‘em Sunshine!
You are welcome to stay as long as you’d like, unless of course I get bored of visitors, in which case you may arrive back to find your stuff in the outside bin and my mate with the tow truck hooking up your car. Run along now.
We trust that you will have a pleasurable stay at Stu’s house, and extend an invitation to you to return promptly.
Ever find yourself with the latest catchy pop tune stuck in your head for days on end? You know, stuck in the elevator humming away the latest Beyonce treffer, or forgetting that you’re in a rather rough bar and that quietly singing a Miley Cyrus ballad to yourself is probably going to get you… injured.
I know I sure as Hell do – having a baby at home means I permanently have a head full of whatever nursery rhymes or lullabies were last playing or being crooned in my house. Believe me, you can get really tired of “Twinkle twinkle little star” after the 750th time.
Enter a site called unhear it (slogan: Get that damn song out of your head), who have come up with a way of replacing that catchy tune in your head with… another catchy tune. Their method? Ummm… the site plays a tune. If you don’t dig it you can simply click “New Song”. A quick trial dished up the following:
I’m just a girl – No Doubt (I probably shouldn’t sing this too often)
Bad romance – Lady Gaga (Raa Raa)
Conga – Gloria Estefan (C’mon Sannie shake your ass and do the Conga – or something like that)
Relax – Frankie goes to Hollywood (good tune)
Train – Hey soul sister (good tune)
Never gonna give you up – Rick Astley (the song that spawned the tradition of Rickrolling – legendary!)
Some random TV show jingle which I can’t place (which got me thinking about TV jingles in general, followed by a solid two hours of me humming the Airwolf theme)
Macarena – Los Del Rio (That’s about the point where the site lost me. NOBODY plays the Macarena and gets away with it in 2010! People have died for less.)
So all in all: Yes – it will get you crooning something different, which is exactly what the site promises to do. Try it out: unhear it.
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria Macarena
Que tu cuerpo es pa’ darle alegria y cosa buena
Dale a tu cuerpo alegria, Macarena
Heeeeey Macarena
AAAhAA!
Internet memes: The term Internet meme (pronounced /ˈmiːm/, rhyming with “cream”) is used to describe a concept that spreads swiftly via the Internet. The content often consists of a saying or joke, a rumor, an altered or original image, a complete website, a video clip or animation, or an offbeat news story, among many other possibilities. In simple terms, an Internet meme is an inside joke, that a large number of Internet users are in on.
Playboy’s new “safe for work”, i.e. no boobs (BOOOO!!!!!) site, the Smoking Jacket, recently decided to whip together what it deems to be the ultimate guy movie. Girls, guns, shit blowing up… you get the idea. Oh, and piranhas. You don’t wanna forget the piranhas.
Check it out:
Oscars for everyone! Can I get it in 3D please?
My one and only complaint: I saw a snippet of Twilight in there. How exactly did Twilight make it into Awesome: the movie? Sparkly vampires… I think not.
). Take one of their latest, and one of their best, examples – with really really really impressive viewership stats listed too (who says this site ain’t 
