TV series « Stu's take on…

The Stig… doomed?

The Stig

Spoiler alert – The real name of The Stig is revealed below (dun dun dun)…

I assume you lot have been following all of the shenanigans over in the UK about The Stig wanting to release an autobiography. No? Well then, here’s a brief refresher course for those who haven’t been paying attention:

The Stig wants HarperCollins to publish his autobiography.
They said “Schweet”.
The BBC said “uh-uh pal – your name must stay secret”.
A court said “uh-uh BBC – he can do whatever he wants to”.
The Stig is revealed to be Ben Collins.

Well that just sucks. The whole concept of the secret identity of The Stig was great, funny, and most importantly, harmless. Was it really necessary to go and bollocks it all up? Apparently so – Mr ~~Stig~~ Collins may have a point in this whole thing – everyone else on the show is getting stupid rich by cashing in the show’s massive popularity, so why can’t he. Well if you put it that way…

One minor detail he may have overlooked is that the last time a Top Gear secret identity was revealed, namely that of the original Stig, the producers wasted no time whatsoever in killing him off. And it sounds like floppy-haired bad-jumper-wearing James May may already be considering it if the following article from the Metro newspaper is to be believed:

The 47-year-old star of the Top Gear shows said that the team may oust The Stig in a similar manner to his predecessor Perry McCarthy – who was fired off the flight deck of HMS Invincible after his identity was revealed.

‘We start some filming next week. We’ve had some thoughts – driving to The Stig’s house and nailing his head to the table was one.’ May told The Sun.

The floppy-haired presenter even claimed that the team were considering stripping Collins of his famous white racing suit, claiming that they would be ‘getting our overalls back because they’re not his.

‘And those stupid, poncy shoes he wears. They’re ours. And the gloves.’ he added.

Consider yourself warned Stiggie. James is pissed! Might be time to dust off the old CV.

—
More on the subject:

The best of Barney Stinson. Legen…dary!

Some enterprising fella has gone to the trouble of compiling a nine minute clip to illustrate the awesomeness that is Mr Barney Stinson. It’s nine minutes that you need to take out of your day to appreciate the wonder and sheer comedic genius of this suit-obsessed high-fiving legend.

Please allow the awesome to commence:

Never gets old, I swear! True story.

—
Other Barney-related stuff on this site:

—
Saw this clip on iMod

Ari Gold Quotes…

Ari Gold

Ari Gold… is a legend! If you’ve watched Entourage you will be more than familiar with the master talent agent to beat all talent agents. This guy has a seriously foul mouth, and yet… everything he says is quite frankly hilarious.

If you have never seen the show you’re probably going to get all offended and your knickers in a knot. If so, you may wanna move it along. For everyone else, read on to relive some of Ari’s finer moments in the show.

Without further ado allow me to present 14 of Ari Gold’s quotes taken from episodes of the awesome and highly entertaining series Entourage.

Continue reading Ari Gold Quotes…

The Pacific - a (very) brief review...

The Pacific

Produced by the same folks at HBO who brought you the brilliant World War II epic series Band of Brothers a few years ago, the new series The Pacific premiered on M-Net last night.

This series covers the US Marine Corps’ battles against Japan in the Pacific region during World War II. This is the point where I could immediately launch into a long-winded and drawn out diatribe on the cast, locations, plot and and and but I feel that that is unnecessary – if you enjoyed watching Band of Brothers (and quite frankly who didn’t?) then you’re going to thoroughly enjoy this new series. Simple as that.

It is top-notch, thoroughly well-made and definitely worth a look-see. I for one have now block-booked my Wednesday evenings for the next few months to see how it pans out.

There, I told you this was a brief review. Who needs pages and pages of analysis when simply stating “it’s great – watch it!” will suffice?

Want to own it?
As it has not yet finished screening over in the good ol’ US of A it is not yet available for sale, but should be shortly, and I for one will most definitely be granting it pride of place on my DVD shelf right there next to Band of Brothers and the rest of the wartime epics I possess once it is released. You can however sign up to be notified of when it is released for sale by Amazon.com in both regular DVD and Blu-ray format.

—

More info available at IMDB and Wikipedia.

Catch all the episodes on M-Net – Wednesdays at 21:30.

The Pacific

US TV Networks can kiss my ass...

Invasion…

Rome…

and now…

Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles.

What am I on about? These are all cool TV series that I got into watching and which then promptly got canned by the US TV networks – just as I started eagerly awaiting the next installments.

And yet 84 trillion crappy and seriously brain-capacity-reducing reality series just keep on trucking forever (and ever and ever and ever times infinity bru), with no end in sight…

Yes, you’re stuck on a tropical island. Don’t care.
Yes, you can sing. Well done. Don’t care.
Yes, lots of hotties in the manor want some crappy red rose from your ugly mug each week so they can listen to more of your lame attempts at spading. Don’t care.

Are you spotting a trend yet? Don’t care.

So what’s a cranky TV viewer to do? I figured I’d call up a few random folks and ask them what they think of the whole debacle… and here are the results:

Dubya agrees with me (coz I promised him a few barrels of free oil)…

Avril Lavigne is on board…
Avril Lavigne Middle Finger

As is Charlize…
Charlize Theron Middle Finger

Jessica Simpson too (although to be fair she thought I was asking her opinion on crossword puzzles)…
Jessica Simpson Middle Finger

Jordan…
Jordan Middle Finger

JT…
Justin Timberlake Middle Finger

Marc Anthony…
Marc Anthony Middle Finger

Megan Fox…
Megan Fox Middle Finge

Kim Kardashian interrupted her third shopping spree of the morning to give her 5 cents worth…
Kim Kardashian Middle Finger

Nicole Richie took time out from her delicious-looking lunch of half a lettuce leaf to agree…
Nicole Richie Middle Finger

Your Gran agrees…
Your Gran Middle Finger

Mother Nature…
Mother Nature Middle Finger

And even Armageddon popped in to say “Howzit” and send a message to the ‘suits’ who stuff up my viewing schedule…
Armageddon Middle Finger

So there you have it Mr TV Network bigwig – you’re a tool.

DStv considering porn channel- tannies up in arms...

DStv is looking into a porn channel…

Check this summary of a News24 article from yesterday:

MultiChoice is considering broadcasting pornography and the possibility of creating new sex channels on DStv‘s satellite pay-TV service.

“MultiChoice has been inundated with requests for adult content on DStv over the past few months,” Jackie Rakitla, general manager of corporate affairs at MultiChoice, told Die Burger on Tuesday.

“At this stage we’re merely doing research to determine the extent of interest in adult content, and we’re looking at the feasibility of implementing such a service.”

MultiChoice is using e-mails for market research purposes to test the interest in various broadcasting options, such as the broadcasting of “mixed pornography” (hardcore porn between 21:00 and 05:00 and soft porn between 05:00 and 21:00), hardcore porn 24 hours per day, or soft porn 24 hours per day on DStv.

Now whether this is a good or bad idea is not what’s being discussed here (that’s not the point of this post) – the point is that everybody is, as usual, in a flat panic.

Horror
Naturally the comments sections of the articles about this topic were awash with LOADS of bleats along the lines of:

“I can like to cancel my subscription if they do this!” – literally hundreds in this vein
“But my kiddies will see it!”
“Marriages will break up because Jannie will be watching Sannie/Frikkie/Humphrey and Magdalene pretending to ‘fix the pipes’”
“That is not ayoba!”
and of course the one oke who cracked: “Finally. With this and rugby the subscription will be worth it”.

Now hang on for just a second before getting on your high horse folks (except for rugby dude of course): do you REALLY think they’ll have the channel wedged between M-Net movies 1 and Cartoon Network? OBVIOUSLY it would be locked behind PIN codes and other methods to control viewing. They’re not that dof!

Everyone likes a good panic, as is clearly evident by all the Facebook protest groups against pretty much everything.

And while we’re on the topic of protest groups, how long do you think it’ll be before the “Boycott DStv if they show porn” Facebook groups start up? My money’s on right now.

Stu from Top Gear...

I am the Stig.

This shocking news may come as a bit of a surprise to you. I was a bit of a surprise to me too.

Remember that post last week about the “Top Gear Ford Fiesta Review“? You know, the funniest review ever ever ever times infinity bru?

Well, some American site by a Cincinnati Ford Dealer (whose site is called the Beechmont Ford Blog and which is all about Fords in general, and in this case the Ford Fiesta in particular), linked to that post.

Nothing too unusual there – blogs link to other related articles all the time. I do it all the time.

In this instance though they did manage to make one teensy-weensy error. Take a look:

Stu from Top Gear

You do realise what this means right?

Jeremy, James and Richard se moer! I have officially been promoted and am now the new official host/cast/everything of Top Gear.

Ladies and gentlemen: please allow me to present…

THE EVOLUTION OF TELEVISION!

From this:

to this:

Awesome!

I’d watch that.

Oh, before I forget: You do recall the very first sentence of this post right? The one about the Stig’s true identity? Yes?

Good.

It’s official…

The Stig in Cape Town...

We're not worthy

Check it: The Stig. In Cape Town.

The legend was spotted running around in Camps Bay, as per these pics from popular Cape Town blog iMod.

The Stig in Cape Town

Cosmo? Seriously?

Original iMod post here.

If you have no idea who I’m talking about, then read this – The Stig. You need to know.

Top Gear Ford Fiesta Review – funniest review ever…

The 'manne' from Top Gear

Did you all see the recent Top Gear review of the new Ford Fiesta?

If not, boy did you ever miss out on what has got to be one of THE funniest bits of TV ever made!

But never fear. Always here to save the day, I managed to track it down for you lot. All 11 minutes of it.

And you will watch them all! Trust me…

After being moaned at by a viewer for not reviewing cars “properly”, they decided to answer the call. The review answers, in true piss-yourself-funny Top Gear fashion, such pressing questions as:

Is it economical?
Is it easy to park?
Is it green?
What if I go to a shopping centre and get chased by baddies in a corvette?
Can I afford it?
What if I’m asked to take part in a beach assault with the Royal Marines?

Awe’frikkin’some!

The official Top Gear site has also put up a couple of photos of what they consider to be the Top 10 bits of TG telly. Go take a look. And yes, the Ford Fiesta test is one of them…

The Big Bang Theory... and Penny

Big Bang Theory

Okay, I’ll admit it – I’m a HUGE fan of the comedy TV series The Big Bang Theory…

Which of course means that you now get to read a whole bunch of rather amusing quotes from the show. This is thanks to me seeing a link to a whole site devoted to show quotes.

Coz people have that kind of time on their hands. And I in turn have the kind of time on my hands that allows me to copy and paste half of them.

Quit yer bitching – at least I’m not quoting Star Trek…

So let’s ease into it with a few from the whole team, shall we? First up, the exceedingly eccentric Sheldon:

Sheldon: Scissors cuts paper, paper covers rock, rock crushes lizard, lizard poisons Spock, Spock smashes scissors, scissors decapitates lizard, lizard eats paper, paper disproves Spock, Spock vaporizes rock, and as it always has, rock crushes scissors.

Raj: always legendary. Leonard and Howard crack a nod too…

Raj: If I could speak the language of rabbits, they would be amazed, and I would be their king.
Leonard: I hate my name. It has ‘nerd’ in it. ‘Len. Nerd.’
Wolowitz: I lost my virginity to my cousin Jeanie.
Raj: I would be kind to my rabbit subjects … at first.

Sheldon: A little misunderstanding? Galileo and the Pope had a little misunderstanding…

Raj: I don’t like bugs, okay? They freak me out.
Sheldon: Interesting. You’re afraid of insects and women. Ladybugs must render you catatonic.

Howard: Sheldon, you remember the first few weeks we were looking for magnetic monopoles and not finding anything, and you were acting like an obnoxious, giant dictator?
Raj: I thought we were going to be gentle with him.
Howard: That’s why I added the ‘-tator’.

None from Leonard specifically – he’s too whiny…

Howard Wolowitz

Which of course brings us to the true legend of the show: Howard Wolowitz – the extremely sleazy and hopeless-with-women character, brilliantly played by Simon Helberg.

Wolowitz: I am a horny engineer, I never joke about math or sex.

Wolowitz: Raj, there’s no place for truth on the Internet.

Wolowitz: Penny, let me take this opportunity to point out that you are looking particularly ravishing today.
Penny: Not with a thousand condoms, Howard.
Wolowitz: So there is a number.

Wolowitz: Check out the sexy nurse. I believe it’s time for me to turn my head and cough.

Wolowitz: If it’s “creepy” to use the Internet, military satellites, and robot aircraft to find a house full of gorgeous young models so I can drop in on them unexpected, then fine, I’m “creepy”.

Wolowitz: Love is not a sprint, it’s a marathon, a relentless pursuit that only ends when she falls into your arms – or hits you with the pepper spray.

Wolowitz: They’re called tattoo sleeves… Put them on, have freaky sex with some freaky girl with her business pierced, take them off, and I can still be buried in a Jewish cemetery.

Wolowitz (watching America’s Next Top Model): Oh, look! That’s the future Mrs. Wolowitz. No, wait! That’s the future Mrs. Wolowitz. With her head in the lap of… what a coincidence… it’s the future Mrs. Wolowitz.
Leonard: Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother. The current Mrs. Wolowitz.

Speaking of the future Mrs Wolowitz, here’s one for the ladies:

Ladies: You KNOW you want one.

Check out tons more quotes at http://the-big-bang-theory.com/quotes

Thanks Yolandi.

—

But wait! There’s more!

And now… the part you’ve all been waiting for…

A few pics of the ever-fine Penny, played by just-as-fine (you think?) Kaley Cuoco. Because no post about the show would be complete without at least a few photos of Penny. And because JP complained that I talk too much kak and don’t show enough hottie pics. So without further ado…

Click an image to enlarge the photo and start the gallery.

[View with PicLens]